It was about mid-interview when the relief hit.
“I’ll let you in on something,” Steve, the cohost of the Art Box Podcast, said. “Most of our guests don’t feel terribly comfortable identifying themselves as artists. That person over there – he’s the true artist, but not me, is kind of how it goes.”
(Here’s the episode link for the full conversation).
I realized I’d quietly felt this way for a long time.
Maybe, as a reader or someone who knows me/my art, it’s obvious why I secretly wondered if I was a real artist. It was obvious to me, in the way that those shameful things we think about ourselves feel like they’re blared over a megaphone for the world to know. But in case it’s not already clear, here were my reasons for wondering if I was a fraud:
- My painting process is from photo references. Surely “real” artists paint from plein air, memory, or whatever mysterious and exotic artistic inspiration. I once had someone come up to me painting in front of the Mobile Studio and walk away, seemingly disappointed, when they realized I was painting from a photo. I tried to laugh it off and let it go, but it stuck with me.
- I paint to invoke awe. At an art opening I once hosted, a random attendee commented that he could “see the darkness in my paintings”. My college roommate and I later had a field day with that comment, the joke being that the darkness in my paintings was in, like, the contrast of big puffy clouds. There is no subversion in my art. My Big Comment and Contribution as an artist is simply that I think each of us and the world is a better place when we have access to and can connect with awe. So I paint what I find gorgeous. …not what I find “dark”. This feels, at its best, meaningful and worthwhile. In my lower moments, I wonder if I’m shallow.
- I self-promote. I know a lot of people who say, oh I know I should self-promote, I should do the social media thing, make the calls, put myself out there – but it’s just so uncomfortable and weird feeling, I find it really hard to do. I agree with all of the above, but I also know it’s necessary. So I do the thing(s). But maybe “real” artists are above that; or not adept at it at any rate – I also hear that a lot, that many artists are just not good at the marketing side of things. Which leads me to the final reason I could be a fraud:
- I’m a business, man. I unabashedly work to make money at my art. I refuse to buy into the notion of the starving artist. And, I don’t go traditional artist pathways for the most part, skipping many juried opportunities, museums, grants, residencies, and galleries in favor of operating like a small business. This sets me apart, but maybe the brazenness with which I promote Alli Harvey Art somehow undercuts the “art” because I am doing my damndest to both create and survive – thrive, actually – within this money structure we humans have set up. Shouldn’t my art be more pure? Shouldn’t it need to exist simply for the sake of itself to be “true”, to be real?!
I share all of this because now, a couple years post-interview, I feel secure enough to rattle it off and I want to share it with other artists and creatives who might secretly also share these insecurities. I will tell you, it felt validating to know that I shared this secret with other artists who, surely, were “real” artists. It was freeing to openly name it, like maybe I could let it go.
Here’s how I think you know you’re a real artist:
- You create something that otherwise doesn’t exist in the world. Maybe it’s combining existing elements in novel ways, like a DJ, mixologist, make up artist, or collagist. Maybe it’s completely original, like drawing – analogue or digital – writing, creating music, or many paintings. Or, maybe it’s kind of like my art – interpretive, like photography, which is about the artist selecting, framing, and curating a singular perspective.
- There is a “why” behind your work. It could be the “why” is to say there is no why, life is random – that would still be a purpose behind something created. Maybe the “why” dawns on you over time; maybe it changes. But there is some reason why you go from one state – not creating – to another, of working to bring into being something that wasn’t there before. It’s up to each artist to say what that is; the world will also likely also interpret it in their own way(s).
I think it’s truly that simple. There are so many ways artists exist within and contribute (or don’t) to the world. Many of us have our art as side hobbies; some don’t develop until later in life, or at all. You may not like someone’s art, or prefer one artist’s method to another. You may see one artist as being newer to their craft, vs another who is more practiced and skilled.
But to all the other artists out there struggling with that word and whether it applies to you: be fearless about letting yourself inhabit it. Being an artist is like being any other kind of human, in that there is no destination state and it will always be an aspect of you that is growing and changing. Don’t wait to feel like you’ve “made it”. Make it. Make it every day and keep taking steps you know to be right for you. Don’t be daunted by the many million, beautiful other examples of “artist” out there – each of us is just trying to do our best to be ourselves and hone our own best work. The best thing you can do for the world is get better at being you and helping that thing you want to create be your best work, until the next time, when you outdo yourself. And again and again and again.
A Real-And-Always-Struggling-Artist right here, just doing her best every day and trying to enjoy the ride in all its ups and downs.